There’s
a crime wave going on in your neighborhood—possibly even in your own
home. It’s a crime wave that won’t make it to the nightly news, but not
because it isn’t serious, for it scars generations and teaches them to
commit the same crime.
Who are the criminals? Absent fathers.
I’m not talking about full-time absent fathers, those never home at
all. I hope that’s a rarity. I’m talking about your average dad, the one
who commits this crime most mornings, during dinner, and especially
during the hour before little ones go to bed.
It’s a crime wave, and I’ve been an offender. You might be one too.
You’re guilty when you skip breakfast with the family to prepare for
that early morning meeting, when you’re distant at the dinner table
because you’re resolving an issue at work in a long email conversation
on your smartphone, and when you forfeit a healthy family night-time
ritual because you’ve got something important to do—like write a blog
post.
I’ve succumb. Have you?
I Don’t Have Time! Yes You Do.
Time management is a difficult task for the best of us. It can often
seem impossible to give our children and wives the time they deserve.
Douglas Wilson, writing to wannabe writers in his book Wordsmithy, offers a healthy reality check to the objection of having no time:
“When an extra load develops, try to have it land on you and not on the family. If it has to get done now, then get up at five, and nobody else pays. So if you need to, get up at five, but always try to go home at five. Think of it this way. A 60-hour work week is an honest job and a significant load, but a lot of the problems that come to people who work this much happen because of where those 60 hours are placed. Apportion 40 hours to your regular job, the calling which pays the bills, and then 20 hours for your half-time job of getting a writing career started. It is possible to work those 60 hours and still have lots of time left over for family. A week has a total of 168 hours in it. Sixty hours of work leaves 108, and 8 hours of sleep a night take away another 56 hours, leaving you with 52 hours a week to play tag in the backyard with the kids.”
Maybe you have more time than you think? If not, maybe you need to cut back on some of your commitments?
If you’re aware of this sin in your life, repent. It doesn’t please
God. After you repent, believe the gospel. Know that Christ was diligent
in all His duties where we fail daily. Know that Christ
suffered for every scar you’ve left on the hearts of your children.
Forgiveness is available. Rejoice in this grace and parent like a
forgiven sinner.
#1 Tip To Regularly Give Time To Your Children
Walking by the grace of God, it will now be a daily battle to break
this culture enforced habit. Here’s my #1 tip for you to begin giving
time back to your children:
Be Intentional
To succeed you’ll need to be intentional. Commit to giving time to your children. Seriously.
Write it in your schedule. Breakfast time? Theirs. Dinner time?
Theirs. The hour before bed? Theirs. And if it is their time, then turn
off work and the social media world. How? Put your smartphone in
airplane mode so you’ll not get notifications from Twitter or emails
from the boss. Ban smartphones and iPads from the dinner table.
Remember, the world won’t collapse during this time. Be present in body and in your mind. Stop thinking about work.
If you’re not intentional about keeping boundaries, you’ll likely
fail. I fail. Be ruthless in your boundaries, and desperately ask for
God’s help to enforce them.
My Motive
I’m thankful God is a better Father than I’ll ever be. This blog post
is what I desperately needed to hear months ago. I’ve written this so I
won’t forget. The Lord used a variety of means recently to bring to my
attention the severity of my “minor,” but regular, offenses. Please
don’t receive this post as a burden to carry. Pray about it. Repent of
any failures. Thank your Heavenly Father for Jesus. Then leave work on
time tonight rejoicing and ready to give attention to your children who
need it.
Nathan W. Bingham is a Christian, technology and
social media enthusiast (geek), seminary graduate, and blogger. He
serves as Internet Outreach Manager for Ligonier Ministries and is
passionate about the relationship between faith, technology, and life.
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