Monday, March 22, 2010

My Wife and I Argued And Neither of Us Won

I am not sure what happened or even how it happened, but it did.  The Saturday was like most other Saturdays – sleep in a bit, extended breakfast with the kids, some Saturday morning TV… Then *break* let’s get the day going.  Let’s clean up and start to work.  In the afternoon we can play.

Our Saturdays are typically like that.  We work a bit and try to play a bunch.

Some where in there, is usually a “honey-do-list.”  You know what those are.  The list of jobs hat our wives draw up for us men to tackle on each weekend.  Mine is typically not that hard – mainly because I don’t know how to do much stuff and I think Mary would prefer that I don’t wreck anything.  Often times, either on Friday night or early Saturday morning, I will add a few items that I would like to get done as well.  Sure, it makes the list a little longer, but it’s never overwhelming.

This Saturday was different though.  She had a list, as usual.  I had a list, as usual, except I didn’t share everything on my list with her.  My first thought was that “This won’t be a big deal.  She has some stuff to do outside the home and I can get my personal list done without her catching on.”  Well, like a typical Saturday it didn’t go as well as I planned.

Mary left to run her errand.  I put a few kids in charge of landscaping (yes, I did just type landscaping) our hedge area in the front of our house.  Then I left to do manly stuff… actually it was my stuff.  I justified it by taking some of my kids with me.  “See honey, I was spending quality time with our children.”  If I make her feel guilty enough, I will look good.

The problem was not that I was doing my thing, on my own.  I do stuff like that all the time.  I am not a toddler and I don’t need my wife “controlling” my every move.  I go to work on my own and I don’t have my wife help me, etc.  You get the idea here.  The problem was that I did not consider at any moment that the two of us were one.  It started in my mind.  She had her list and I had mine.  Jesus said in Mark 10:8 in teaching about marriage, “The two shall become one flesh.”  Paul furthers that in Eph 5:31, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  That is where all of this was going wrong.

There was her agenda (which she thought was ours) and then there was my agenda.  How wrong I was.

It ended up blowing into World War III. 

I had to repent.  I had to step forward and say that I was sorry.  I was in the wrong.  Jesus has never done this to His bride.  He came to serve His bride.  Was I serving mine by treating her this way?  Not at all.  I was selfishly thinking of myself.  Paul continues to Eph 5:33, “Let each one of you love his wife as himself.”  That concept was the furthest thing from me.

But then…  The grace of God came.  He is changing me.  He is changing us.  H is changing  me to see the joy of what marriage is all about.  That, honestly, when I am serving my wife, I am the happiest.  That sanctification is a process.  He who started a good work in us if faithful to bring it to completion.   

So, I didn't win here. 
In truth Mary didn't win either.
Christ did.  The Faithful One.  The cord that ties our marriage together.