He Was Here First

If you are anything like me you pray to God like this,

“God I need you to move in this situation.”

“I need you to show up in my life here.”

“I need to come and change this for me.”

“I need you to do something here”

The truth is we have it backwards. 

It’s always been His plan. 

This is His universe. 

He has created us into it. 

It’s always been His “party” and He has just invited us to it.

He was the one who was here first.

He is the one who is orchestrating all things. 

He is working all things to work to the end for His own glory. 

All of this… this… stuff is here so that He will be glorified in it.

When we start to pray, “God, where are you? How come You are not showing up here?”  Are we not restating what already is?  If God is already here and He is already working, what are we really crying out for?

Sometimes when we are praying, we are trying to manipulate God into doing what we want done, rather than praying for God’s will to be done.

Psalm 131 

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high;

I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore.

The Talent of Doublespeaking

I am so talented.

I have the ability to talk out of both sides of my mouth.

Can you do that too?

As I look within my heart to identify this problem, I am noticing a trend.  I don't really do it out in the general, meaning I feel free to be honest and truthful over "public" issues or items.  The problem is much deeper than that.

I am finding that I doublespeak to and about those closest to me...

my kids

my wife

my Savior

In doing so I make a mockery of both them and myself.  

So on this day, I am thankful for the grace of Christ that covers both the praise and the profane.

The Practice of Marriage

The other day a friend of mine asked if I could share a bit of a testimony regarding my wife and I's marriage.  At some point, that task can be daunting, because there is no way to recall everything that has got us to this point.  Needless to say, here are some things that have come to mind.

Through the early years of our marriage, I can recall some pretty tough days/weeks between Mary and I.  For the longest time, I thought that it was my Godly duty to change Mary.  To make her more like the woman that should be mine, that would "complete me."  I had come to a place in my heart that the only way to change Mary, was to change myself first.  Years ago, while still living in Michigan, I would be in our basement lifting weights while Mary was upstairs, making bottles, cleaning the house, changing diapers, doing laundry, making sure the bills were all paid, etc... and I was just thinking of myself.  She would get so mad at me, she would blow up in a huge way (as if it was WW III). Sometimes she would even threaten to leave me.

It wasn't good.  Obviously, it wasn't good.  Something had to change.

I have learned now, that it was my deal. That I am called to be the leader of my home, the 'servant leader' or 'lead server.'  The problem wasn't that I was lifting weights, it was the fact that I wasn't serving nor was I listening.  I was only taking care of me.  At the core of who I was, was a selfish being.  Devoted to my pride, my ideals, my look - I wanted it picture perfect so that I could look good.  In truth, I loved all this other stuff more than I loved her.

There are times even know that I will slip into that line of thinking, and Mary will feel like she has become second best.  Then I "wake up" and remember my roll.  My responsibility.  So I now take time to listen to her heart.  I need to take time to listen to all the tasks that are on her shoulders and what her thoughts are behind her eyes.  I used to try to give her answers and solutions; but now I know she needs a friend; a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.  Mary wants me to take care of her. 

So what does that look like now?  I wake up each day choosing to serve and listen and guide.  I know what makes the house run well so I get to work to make that happen... first, by doing my devotions and listening to Mary if she needs to talk or giving her space if she wants to be alone before the kids wake up.  Sometimes I empty the dishwasher, I'll take the time to straighten up the living room, get myself ready, make our bed, do devos with the kids. If I sense she is frustrated I ask if there's anything in particular I can do and sometimes she'll even get snippy with me, but I just smile and let it go and do what she says if she needs something done.  Sometimes, she just asks me to get out of her face, and that's ok.  I know that she doesn't just "wake up" like I do.  She needs space. 

One thing that God really convicted me of is to not responding in a negative way when she would talk down to me or yell an order at me.  I started either choosing not to start an argument when she was trying to and I would choose to not respond if she made a negative comment.  It changed the tone in our home and slowly she softened.  She says that by my actions she changed and slowly respected me more and more and now appreciates my leadership and will ask my advice and will honor what I say.  We both have grown so much, by God's grace.

In the evenings I come home from work and and I have to lead again.  So I gather everyone to the table for dinner, doing devos again, cleaning up dinner, asking Mary if there's anything she needs me to do.  I am learning to constantly look for things to do and taking time with the kids to ask them about their day and sometimes play games with them.  Then I make sure I honor Mary by getting the kids to bed on time and do it myself so she doesn't have to. Why?  Because Mary is so worth it!

She is the biggest and best prize I could ever win.  I don't make the bed or vacuum the stairs and then tell her that I did those things.  Absolutely not, the biggest joy of my life is to know that Mary doesn't 'have' to do those things.  I am learning to love her and treasure her in a way that I haven't in years.  She is not just my wife, but she is also my best friend.  I would do anything for her.  The more I serve her the more I love her and the more I server her, the more she loves, trusts and honors me back.  It's amazing.  It's like I found the 'secret' in marriage!

All that to say, that I changed.  I was the one who took the initiative to make the first move.  God convicted me to serve my family as Christ served the church and gave Himself up for it.  Then you know what happened?  After I started changing, she did as well.  Little by little, our Father started chipping away at our stubborn hearts and He is molding them into something different.  I know this because of both where we have come from and because of what He is currently doing in us.  This is His promise.  I also try to make efforts to tell Mary she's beautiful and to give her cards and to smile at her as often as I can. 

Eph 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

God is continuing to change me and Mary both.  Our marriage is far from perfect, but He continues to mold us and shape us into something that reflects His grace - because we need a lot of it!

Good Advice vs. Good News

When I was just a kid, my parents had purchased some property out in the country from where we lived.  We all had dreams as to what life would be like on these overgrown acres of flowing fields...  all of my siblings and my dad.  My mom on the other hand had nightmares about it.

Regardless, we never ended up moving there.  The property was sold at a later date.

Although while we did own it, my dad had some pretty good plans in his head about what to do with it.  Across the back of it ran a creek with overgrown, wild blackberry's.  I guess the word "overgrown" would be an understatement.  We knew that there was a creek because we could hear the water moving through it, but we couldn't see it because of the overgrowth.  My dad's vision was to clear a path from one side of the overgrowth to the other.  This would be done with a machete and clippers and rakes and saws... well, you get the picture.

On one Saturday, he and I went out there to accomplish this task.  

Did I mention that I was seven years old at the time?  

He told me walk around the neighbors property to get to the other side and then we would start cutting the overgrowth, slowly working ourselves closer to the creek, to each other.

Needless to say, I was not doing my part.  I couldn't.  The blackberry bushes were not bushes - they were trees.  I couldn't manage to cut anything down.  Nothing.

My dad, ambitious as he was, was plugging along and doing great.  Cutting through those blackberry's as if they were spiders webs.  Periodically he would try to show me how to cut them down, but it was no use.  I couldn't do it.  I didn't have the strength.  I was only seven years old.  He did it all for me.

Now he could have given me great advice; 

"John, this is how you cut through this.  Use your forearm strength.  Swing harder.  Make sure the blade is in this direction." 

But the truth is, is that any amount of advice would not have gotten me any closer to the creek.

I needed good news. 

I need him to do it.

Friends, this is how it is with our walk with Christ.  

Good advice would say, "Be holy.  Do not sin.  Worship God alone."

Good news says, "Christ has fulfilled the law for you."

There is a difference between good advice and good news. The first can lead to death, the later to eternal LIFE.

Romans 8:3-4

 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do.  By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.