How Marriages Fall Apart

I found this great article on the Biblical Counseling Coalition blog titled 10 Ways that Satan Loves to Watch Marriages Fall Apart by Deepak Reju.  In it, Deepak encourages those of us who are married to be on guard for the devil.  Satan's intention is clear - to steal, kill and destroy.  Not just our life, but in every facet of our lives. Especially in our marriages.

Deepak explains that often times, the devil can sit back (in a sense) and not do anything with our marriages, because we are destroying them enough on our own.  He suggests 10 areas where marriages have difficulty.  See if any of these resonate with you:

Spouses live in the flesh and not in the Spirit.

    But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
    If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
(Galatians 5:16-26) 

No sex in marriage.

Couples who don’t have regular sex are allowing a barrier to come between them. No sex in marriage means the couples is less unified.

A husband is consumed by pornography.

    Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
(1 Thessalonians 4:1-8)

Lofty, sky-high expectations.

I’ve seen men crushed under the weight of their wives’ perfectionistic expectations. The husband says things like, “She expects me to be a holy man.” He constantly feels like a failure, and therefore has little to no incentive to actually work at the marriage. She beats him up (verbally, not physically) because (in the words of one spouse I counseled) “nothing else seems to work to get him to do anything.”  

Nuclear war.

No explanation needed.

Avoidance and withdrawal.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
(Ephesians 4:26-27)

Hate speech.

How many times have we said something that we later regretted?  Oh be careful "little" tongue what you speak...

Weak boundaries.

Guys, know where the boundaries are and stick to them.  No flirting with friends or strangers.  No pictures of other ladies in your home gym or garage.  

Work - idolatry.

Where is your passion?  We all know that we could work more and harder, but not at the expense of our marriage.

Lying.   

All lying destroys.  Our marriages are not exempt from that truth.      Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.
(Colossians 3:9-10)    

So men, women, guard your heart and you'll guard your marriage.  It's worth it. "But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:43-45)

For the full article, click here.

Would you add any other "marriage-destroyers" to this list?
What do you and your spouse do to protect the covenant? 

Dress a Corpse

To wash and dress a corpse is a far different thing from making it alive: man can do the one, God alone can do the other.

 - C.H. Spurgeon

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
 
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all

Words: At­trib­ut­ed to Dal­lan For­gaill

Heath Issues - Four Ways to Fall Asleep Faster

Sure, this may not be a spiritual issue, but I know that so many of my friends are having a hard time falling asleep and even staying asleep. We all know the importance of sleep.  If we don't get enough sleep, we end up not being as healthy as we should be.

Here is a list of problems that can occur with a lack of sleep:
 - depression
 - heart disease
 - immune system breakdown
 - weight gain
 - driver fatigue
 - poor performance at work or school
 - emotional imbalance
 - memory problems


I ran across an article on the Men's Fitness blog and it had some really good points.  I will share them with you here.

1 - Establish an electronic curfew for yourself.  About .30 minutes to an hour before you go to bed, turn the TV off. Put down the phone. Walk away from the computer.  Give yourself a break.  In the article, the author wrote, "A study by Applied Ergonomics showed that the brightness from iPad screens, when set to the brightest setting, can suppress melatonin by 22% which can fake your body into thinking it’s morning when it’s really night."

2 - Eat a good and healthy breakfast in the morning.  The author continues, "People who eat breakfast are smarter. A study of 6,000 students found that the ones who ate breakfast had better grades and higher graduation rates. Breakfast eaters are also 40% less likely to develop fat around the belly than those you don't. Eating a protein-and-whole-grain-packed breakfast as close as possible to your wake-up time will keep you alert and focused throughout the day."

3 - Put down the caffeine after lunch.  I would say never have soda.  If you are a soda drinker though, stop having the caffeine once you hit lunch time.  For those of us who drink coffee or tea - same thing.  Water for the rest of the day.  

If you find yourself getting a little drowsy in the afternoon, that means that you body needs a break.  Do these simple little exercises to wake yourself up:
 - go for a walk
 - do some stretches
 - go for a walk
 - take a 10-15 minute break by doing something opposite of what you were
 - go for a walk

4 - Keep your exercises time to at least 3 hours before you hit the pillow. The author states, "A study done back in 2008-2009 by Oregon State University showed that people who exercised regularly, about 20 minutes of cardio a day, slept better at night than those who didn’t. Just don’t exercise too soon before bed as the rush may disrupt your sleep."

Are there others that you would add?